I feel so fucking alone.

I feel so alone to the point where I feel empty inside. To the point where all I can do is cry my eyes out. I want to be truly happy again. I want to be able to get through the month with out crying my eyes out like 7 times. I would absolutey love Las Vegas if I didn't live with these people. If I didn't have to be around these hypocritical, two faced people that call themselves a family. Its not even just my mother and sean, it nanay and all of her sisters, its cassie the best friend that I NEVER see anymore. If I lived with anyone else out here, a friends, with Christian even ALONE would be better than here with them. They make me want to run far far away and never come back. Christian is the only thing that I can say is real, he's the only thing I can rely on to always be there. He's the reason that I push through. The reason that I suck it up and bite my tongue and keep the bags unpacked. He is my strength. I can't be with him when I need him the most is what kills me. He's all I've got and I feel stranded, abondoned when I can't talk to him or hear his voice or have him hold me. Especially in a time like this. I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. But he can't do that. He has a life too. He can't always be here for me. Fuck everything. Crying myself to sleep, haven't done that in awhile.

I should invest in an imaginary friend.