I feel so fucking alone.

I feel so alone to the point where I feel empty inside. To the point where all I can do is cry my eyes out. I want to be truly happy again. I want to be able to get through the month with out crying my eyes out like 7 times. I would absolutey love Las Vegas if I didn't live with these people. If I didn't have to be around these hypocritical, two faced people that call themselves a family. Its not even just my mother and sean, it nanay and all of her sisters, its cassie the best friend that I NEVER see anymore. If I lived with anyone else out here, a friends, with Christian even ALONE would be better than here with them. They make me want to run far far away and never come back. Christian is the only thing that I can say is real, he's the only thing I can rely on to always be there. He's the reason that I push through. The reason that I suck it up and bite my tongue and keep the bags unpacked. He is my strength. I can't be with him when I need him the most is what kills me. He's all I've got and I feel stranded, abondoned when I can't talk to him or hear his voice or have him hold me. Especially in a time like this. I just want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be ok. But he can't do that. He has a life too. He can't always be here for me. Fuck everything. Crying myself to sleep, haven't done that in awhile.

I should invest in an imaginary friend.

A relationship is a two way street..not a bike path and a high way..

I don't know what to do. Its like as we go farther into this relationship, as the months rack up, the fights happen more often. Is this a part of the journey? Is this healthy? Is it supposed to make us stronger? I don't want to lose him. He's all I've got. He may not know this, but he's all I have. Without him I'm just lost and insecure. I can't let anything come between us and I will do anything EVERYTHING I can to keep us together. I need him. I just want him to tell me that he needs me too, cause I love him so much. I over think everything. From how long it takes for him to text back to what the song lyrics that people send to him mean. It worries me how much I love him. It worries me that he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Sometimes I lose my appetite or my sleep because I'm scared I'm going to fuck this up. I stay up all night sometimes just thinking about us, how perfect we are together and hoping we'll stay that way. And thinking about how he could find someone else, someone better, and fall in love with them.

He makes me happier than I ever thought I could even be. And sometimes more scared than I ever thought I could be.

Could you just hold my hand and tell me that everything is forever?